December 2009. and year end results

+147 pips

+23.5 %



Year
-22 %

I can scalp profitably, that's what I learned this year. I had few very good months doing that. There is no reason to jeopardize it with problematic trading, but I still do that. I guess it's a slow process.

In a meanwhile I got tired of my approach. Which was that I'm growing my account with compounding planing that in a few years that will give me real wealth. Well it's just my dream and reality is different. In reality after few positive weeks or months I non mistakenly lose all profits in a single day. All work is gone, profits are gone and my dream of compounding growth is back where it began. So I realized that is what's making problems for me. I'm not trading for profit, for present moment. I'm lost in some dreams and plans. I built myself golden calf of amount of money in my trading account and I'm worshiping it.
Now I'm abandoning that approach. Money at account is only margin which allows me to trade and profits are wired to my bank account. I need to get accustomed on earning money from trading. That is basic. In my head I had it all figured out, but things don't work that way, at least not for me. I need to put this in exact spot where it belongs, money making venture and not wealth building mechanism. Difference is slight but for me very important. Like we all know it's all up to psychology and for me this is where I was wrong.

All of that realisation came with thinking about that last big loss. When things settled, in my mind was only how much money I throw down the drain. I did earn them trading two months previous to that day, but it was money which I could use for some other stuff. It wasn't plastic chips or points score in some game. So I understood what foolish act was that from real world perspective disregarding pips and percentages. So I came to conclusion it's all foolish if I earn profits (money) then lose it, earn then lose. I'm not advancing in my get rich scheme. I'm just guilty of the sin of idolatry. It's pretty much bizarre that my worship idol was my trading account. So now I'm dethroning it considering it now just a margin for my positions. My profits are going to my bank account becoming cash that I can spend or save.
I expect from this change to finally earn some money from trading making that my new objective.

Short video with $300 budget lands $30 million movie deal in Hollywood

Fede Alvarez - Ataque de Panico (Panic Attack)

Playing cowboy

There is no doubt that I would lose much more then I gained if things didn't go my way. First two trades full in eur/usd and half size in gbp/usd psychologically were not enough even that I gained 18 pips on them. I was trading for the rush with two full positions on gbp/usd that were hoovering around my entry.
Let's say it's a therapy for yesterday, even if it could be costly one.

+44 pips

Several problems and mistakes today

First I had bias that eur/usd will go down, at least to test 4500. I wanted to short at 530 but some kind of uptrend showed. Then I shorted at 550, also too early. After 40 minutes in not performing trade I complicated things with long gbp/usd. It was showing strength and it was like a hedge in case that eur/usd go up more. Well I got bigger losing trade. Somehow I found a moment to cut them both and with small profit on eur it was -5 for all.

So I missed move down in eur/usd that I was anticipated. I shorted eur/usd again and got instant loss -8. Then gbp/usd again fly up and I got in long at the spike. I averaged that trade and was in for 40 minutes with it attempts to break up and building pressure. It wasn't good trading but I stayed. Finally at around 9:17h gbp was at break out point in gbp/usd, gbp/jpy and eur/gbp and it reversed. I didn't cut it on time because I was afraid that it's just spike. Four minutes later I was out. Then I had some nonsense trades that were product of frustration.

Even if eur/usd worked in the end for my anticipated direction that trading is not for me. As I had opinion about eur and listen to it I had later about gbp. When I have opinions I trade by them, good or bad opinions and I ignore the price. So better to skip trading with opinions, I was proved wrong today on account of that kind of trading.

Also I would like to mention that letting loss grow was consequence of building up profits in last two, three weeks. So it felt like I have spare and I can afford to lose. Which is very wrong attitude to have.

-62 pips

Eur/usd breaking down

Very clean scalping. I like that when I don't even think will it go more or not, what will happen next. I just take small profit and watch for the next one.

+19 pips

Pound scalping

Very good scalping except last trade. Range got bigger and I was step to lose all profits so far in move against me. I couldn't cut it because range was still valid and in the end downside prevailed but it would be better if that was half size trade. I was mentally tired and took just small profit out of it to quit for today.
Also I would like to mention first trade that was short after 40 pips drop in a less then a minute. It was scary, first and second trade, just because of prior move scale.

+20 pips

Scalping Euro

On two of those trades I had 5 pips slippage against me at the entry, it wasn't nice experience. First at that third trade which was add on position. I shorted at the same place as previous trade but I got filled deep down. Also at second chart third trade same thing. Oanda's connection was little shaky also. I don't know maybe things are like that in the afternoon which I rarely trade.

+19 pips

Early morning II

I'm very satisfied with today's trading session. Just out of bed checking charts and short in gbp/usd was laying itself down. I took 18 pips. Second one didn't work out and I was quick to take opposite direction move in third trade.

I'm much like Jules with having strong emotional response because of the trades. I think that is especially prone to scalping. I would like to trade more but I'm not calm any more. Impact of trades is in my mind and my emotional setup is changed. In this new state I'm not optimal for trading. I would like to know how to reset that, but I don't how. It seems to me that I take every day as one session and have a relationship with day's p&l. I almost feel guilt that I'm not trading more, like I should work harder. Well I know myself and that it's better to move away now.

+28 pips

Early morning

First I had nice trade with half size in gbp/usd of 23 half size pips. I went in half size because it was early and price was jumpy.
Then I shorted eur/jpy and got heat for fifteen minutes. I guess that burned me out. When it finally continued my way I took too small profit. I chickened even though I was looking at 5min chart and expecting break of previous low. Then after 20 pips I re shorted getting nothing.
Then I looked back to gbp/usd that was making lows and shorted at exact low. After another attempt to break it it failed and I didn't get out. I let it go 28 pips against me before I pulled the plug. That is again me getting chickened to take a loss. At that point I reversed expecting really strong bounce from those lows. Well I was expecting getting my profit back to be honest. I even averaged up which was done for wrong reasons especially because I didn't got out of second position after it stop working for me. So there it was pure gambling with double position after having nice profit of 18 pips for a day and then losing 28 giving me -10 plus double sized gamble. It played out in my favor so I recovered previous loss and got some more pips finishing day at +30 pips. I can't say that I'm satisfied with this trading. It's mixed, good and bad. Best thing would be if I finished day after eur/jpy trade because I was worn out being in a loss on it for too long.

+30

I got reminded why I shouldn't trade too long

First in the morning I had very nice scalps even though I missed the biggest move down. Speed of market was just as I like it for scalping.
I had one small try in gbp/usd also but that didn't work. In the morning I managed to collect 18 pips.

Later there were some scalping and half size trade in gbp/usd. Then I shorted eur/usd about 14h and that didn't work. So I changed direction and took to small profits. Again I changed direction and I was wrong. I even averaged down in last short, losing all my morning profits in a move against me.
Then market gave me opportunity to get out. I was already trading very mediocre so I didn't want to check out what will be the next. I think that five hours is too long for me in front of the charts and that I shouldn't trade more after nice sequence like it was in the morning on account of my degraded performance in later trades.
That's why I had in my rules to stop trading for a day after few nice wins

+23 pips

Trending gbp

In the end I started too micromanaging so I didn't take out much. But it's always like this if I'm scalping so I accept it. Better for me is to miss on potential for more then to look for too much and miss the scalps.


+25 pips

November 2009. results

-37.5%

- 265 pips

I hate writing this up.

Smallish scalps

Didn't have time today, so only this little scalps.

+7 pips

Friday

On second chart trades were with half size. I averaged there, I wasn't really trading good any more but I was in mood to trade so I did.

+28 pips

Learn to lose

It's therapeutic to take small losses. My problem is because I don't have bad days but blow up days. Today was a bad day. I tilted, having in mind move down that was just prior to my first trade I stuck shorting up move. I don't feel bad about today's losses they felt good because even if I traded bad I knew how to get out and don't lose temper in usual way. I didn't need that last eur/usd trade, but I accept it all with smile. Learn to lose.

-30 pips

Today

Too bad that in first trades I wasn't in pure scalping mode so I didn't took few pips that were in front of me.
+8 pips

Little self punishment

I think that I'm holding a grudge against myself because of my recent blow up so I needed a little punishment. I had nice trade in the direction of trend. Then I tried to pick a bottom which didn't play out well. With averaging and not letting myself to close in a loss I managed to make healthy loss.

-54 pips

New trades, trying to get a rhythm

I had a hard time closing third trade in a loss when it spiked up just after my entry. Eur/gbp changed direction so it was low probability staying in that trade.

Pips are of October size, smaller but very big leverage considering current account size.

+20 pips

Can you believe this chart?

First thank you all on your comments of support.

This is my YTD performance and it drove me mad few times. Well I drove myself mad with doing mad things in the first place.
This time blow up really surprised me, I wasn't expecting something like this lately. I had very good run and without for me before usual averaging. I was only thinking how much further into positive side can I move account in two months that are left in the year.

After first blow up in the beginning of the year, three times I approached break even and then ensued new big and fast loss.

Problems with trading on positive side is something very subjective and individual to me. I believe that I had blow up because of feeling uncomfortable being on the positive side. Don't ask me why I feel that way, or I felt that way. It's up to me to clear that out however odd does it seems to feel it.

I gambled and lost

I lost -40% today. Something is really flawed with my attitude regarding trading and money. You can understand that I don't want to talk about it so probably I will not respond to comments. My account dropped little bit below level where it was this summer. This is biggest loss of money with trading I ever had. So all work in last two months is now gone. With first of this month I was at break even for the year and this week I gained 7.5%. It seems that whenever I get back to my starting point I make sure to quickly lose as much as I can. I played that game few times this year. It's like I want to lose. Also it seems to me that I don't value money gained by trading as real value. I guess that deep down I believe this is not work but gambling. I don't know, I'm just thinking out loud.
Funny thing is that I was really on good track last two months. I was thinking that I finally moved away from problems. Well little averaging yesterday was first sign of trouble. You can't run from yourself. If you have problems or issues they will find a way out and materialize themselves. If you are alcoholic it doesn't matter for how long you are sober you are always one drink away from abyss.

Lucky to be profitable

Pretty much mediocre trading today. Market wasn't in break out mode but something different. I'm not comfortable trading from retracement and that was game today. So I would go long when the move is near end, then wait out through retracement to get some tiny profit. On my third trade I had to close in a loss because news time was approaching. After the news I tried to be "creative" with 1/3 trades. I was lucky that market continued my way.
After all I had to be more "creative" and short gbp/jpy. O.k if I short it with 1/3 but when I add one more it's so close to full size in the most volatile pair. Very bad trading on idea that some resistance trendline from 4h time frame is on. Again some luck with really hitting resistance on usd/jpy and eur/gbp so I could close those two shorts profitable. I could get really burned. That 1/3 game would just lead me in averaging problems.
If there isn't trade that I like or market isn't suitable for me, well just don't trade.

+9 pips

20 trades

Today trading consisted of two parts. In first one I got nice scalp in eur/usd and then I oriented on gbp/usd. It was wrong decision today because eur/usd was trending down nicely and gbp/usd was different. I marked yellow on gbp/usd chart move that wipe out my profits. When you scalp you need to be right most of the time, because all those nice 4 pip scalps are easily taken away by one trade with 3 pips spread and sudden move in opposite direction.

When I realised that I simply missed eur/usd while trading gbp/usd I got back to it. Now it was in consolidation. I had so many trades because it's easy with 0.9 pips spread to jump in and grab few pips. After few successful trades I lost a lot trying to catch next leg down. I really got myself whipsawed. When finally I got right trade on, I didn't catch majority of the move down.
I need to concentrate more on overall picture while I'm scalping. At least on 1min chart time frame so I can trade more optimal.

+20 pips

I overstayed my welcome

With new month size of my position is up again. It's three times September size. So you can see how in the start I was careful, extra careful. Well market was behaving in a way that 4 pips were most I could capture. As the time passed after few trades my concentration drifted away. The best example is second eur/usd trade where I took just 1 pip. Thirty seconds later I jumped in gbp/usd at the high and I was awaken when I lost all my profits so far. Bad trade, bad mental state in a fifth trade of a day, first losing one. Now bigger size was in my mind again making me reluctant to close this down. I was betting on profits and more. I could close it at the break even two minutes later but I didn't. Twenty minutes passed by with me waiting in a loss. I was lucky, trade finally gave me profit and I was happy to close it.

+18 pips

October 2009. results

+183 pips

+21 %

Only first ten pips were with previously used size, from that point size was double the one before. So starting leverage for new size was around 12 times.

I'm more then satisfied with results because I didn't expect that high pips win with bigger size. I was mainly scalping and I was satisfied even with 4 pips wins, in the end it all add up. I didn't move from my emotional nature but I'm trying to prevent problems as much as I can. Great thing is that it's shown how only scalping can make very nice profitable month.

So-so trading

In the start I was overheated from my trading lately so I went in without clear break out of the range. Then I didn't get out on the time, I even moved stop on that first trade. Wanted to move it again farther but stop caught me before. So I wasn't really in the game with right mind set.
I cut loss in half with next trade.
Third trade was very long in duration and market moved nowhere. Then I was shaken out right before move up. Good that I was eager to trade because in fourth trade I covered my loss so far and made seven pips.
Fifth was a scratch and sixth drove me back in a loss for a day. I had cushion of seven pips and eur/gbp was ready to break out to new low. When it did, but stopped without extending I had to get out. That is a catch. Sometimes it fly when level is broken and you can get nice profit in less then a minute. This time it didn't and I luckily saved all of the pips from that move.

+15 pips

Today's trades

First trade in eur/usd didn't look good after entry. Eur/gbp started going up and I wanted it to accelerate down to give boost for eur/usd short side. So I was quickly out and that was correct decision.

Lately I don't like to trade eur/usd so much because it moves back and forth and it's hard to get clear scalp. You need to get in before move starts because if you go after initial thrust, it stop and go back giving you a loss. Maybe it suitable for daytrading off 1min and 5min charts, but I don't find it attractive for scalping.
Gbp/usd moves clear and smooth. With Oanda's 1.8 pips spread on it, it's great for scalping. When I started trading at Oanda I think that eur/usd spread was 1.8 pips and now it's 0.9 all the time and 1.8 on gbp/usd most of time.

Trade in gbp/usd started tricky. From my entry for next four minutes market didn't move and gbp/jpy at that time drop 30 pips. Usually when Jen is rising and usd/jpy, eur/jpy and gbp/jpy go down gbp/usd go down as well. Maybe not much, depending on it's situation but rarely it just sit still. So it was possible that gbp/usd spike up if gbp/jpy first make bounce. On the contrary, usd/jpy stop falling and then gbp/usd made it's move down. I was out when gbp/usd ticked up at the level of trendline and previous wicks on 15min chart. Too bad that I was groggy after concentrating on the trade and didn't notice 30 sec later continuation of the move.
I had one more short scalp in the end.

+16 pips

Beyond worry for money

Today I got that experience very rare for me. Where I trade because I see the move and want to be in the market to capture that move, not worrying about money. It's such relief to enjoy at those moments free from worry. You got only positive stress, will it go your way or not. I've got that feeling after first couple of trades. I didn't use it too well because I was cutting profits because of trading from 10sec chart and I had too much trades. But anyway, it was great to felt that way and glimpse in to the state that I believe is the exactly right mind frame for trading. Absolutely detached from money, but cutting losses and capturing profits as best as I can.
It was similar experience like last year's Mental shift day.

So I started with some gbp/usd long trade that wasn't going very well. I was happy to be out of it. Then after false brake down I took very nice portion of next move up. Off course, too bad that I got out prematurely but it was ok trade and exit because move quickly melted back down

After that I was watching eur/usd, gbp/jpy and eur/gbp to tell me when to take next trade. In first attempt I took just scalp because it started getting back. In second I made mistake of getting out so fast because move materialised and I was out of the gbp/usd.
After that one were those detached trades, scalps. In and out.

+25 pips

Reversal

Equities were falling today and eur/usd lost ground, well Usd gained strength all over. I was surprised when I saw -200 pips for eur/usd. So I opened some small trades, I don't know why, for amusement I guess. With intention to hold them as swing trades. Then I opened one half size trade for scalping. I got bored holding it and watching. When there was bounce in equities from the low I won some profit but I didn't get much.
I closed those micro trades also.

+5 pips

Big news move in gbp/usd

I was ready to risk with this trade and wait for more downside from my entry even if it bounce 50, 60 pips against me. I could see it go to 6400 level after this kind of drop in one minute. Trades were half size. In this kind of trading it's not so brilliant to add position after last low is broken. I did it but it's a trade made after 30 pips already in that move since last peak. So it doesn't go much further. It stop or bounce soon. It's much more wiser to short it just when it rolls from last peak. But I didn't want to average down.
My intention was to take second trade and leave first one on. You know how I'm undisciplined when I lose. When I win it's even harder for me to watch open profit oscillations. I just couldn't stay so I closed the second one immediately after first one. It's just one of my emotional limitations that I have to live and trade with.
I didn't want to trade after those two profitable trades because I know that if something goes wrong in next trade I wouldn't be able to control myself. Simply I wasn't ready to risk just made profit and I have to respect that, better safe then sorry.

+27 pips

Angry bet

I'm such a bad trader that I wonder how do I manage to stay afloat this much as I am. I'm so liable to acting on bad emotions that it's ridiculous.
I lost my full stop on eur/usd trade that wasn't really trade in which I had idea what is going on. Gbp was flying down after the news eur/gbp up and I gave a shot that eur/usd will go up because it was sold out whole morning. Well it didn't.
Wave of anger just flew through me when my stop was hit and price bounced up from it. I couldn't stand it so I guess I needed to react. So I was long gbp/usd. Nothing else but an angry bet. I guess it's easier to stand risk in a new trade with hope of profit and satisfying the need to recover just made loss. That is usual reason in all my "bad trading". Averaging, moving stops, huge risks for small rewards. It's emotionally easier then emotions of a loss. It seams that only reason for trading bad is managing one kind of emotions with different set even if it's long term financially unsound. In that moment of emotional emergency you just act to make it easier emotionally right now. You don't trade for a profit or a break even but for emotional relief.
That was my gbp/usd trade. I moved stop on it and I would lost at least 30 pips probably more and then who knows how would emotions hit me and what would I do next. That is how every bad sequence starts.

Only thing positive that I learned so far is that if you have very good reason for a trade if it goes in a loss it's not such big deal. So I try to avoid this half baked ideas like my eur/usd long trade because they hit me hardest. Maybe I'm just harsh emotionally to myself because I know that I just lost on mediocre idea and a trade. So I blame myself for that loss. It's best to dig out best mental attitude every time you sit to trade, just to be in the zone and avoid problems.

+6 pips

Gbp/usd fireworks

Trend day and after news time for gbp/usd action time. First scalp was o.k., all trades except last were made with half size. Second trade, I went long because at the time gbp/jpy just broke 150 that I believed would be harder at the moment. So I was looking for acceleration but it didn't came. I made very poor job of not getting out. So I lost all my profit from previous trade and much more. Gbp/usd was up 70 pips in 5 minutes after the news, I didn't pay attention to that and it was really extended and when wave of up momentum stopped I had to get out and not stay and wait.
Third trade was pretty much gambling that trend will continue. I wanted profits back. I add one more half size trade but it didn't brake previous high with strength. I did a good job of giving those two trades enough chance for two, three minutes and getting out when it reversed.
Fifth trade was a suckers trade because it spiked up seven pips in a second and I just jumped in and then it reversed back. Luckily for me it was really strong trend so it quickly came back and then I knew that we will have continuation most definitely. So I doubled that trade again with new half size trade. Unexpectedly it hit some kind of resistance after 5 pips and it was very unusual and I got scared and closed it.
Well soon enough it continued and then I made another trade now with full size. Foolishly bold, but it was strong trend. It would be better if I stayed in those two before it. I closed very quickly. Oanda's charts didn't update for 5-10 seconds and I just hit close to get out expecting that trend brought it more up while Oanda's hiccup in updating get resolved. It did. Funny I got executed at level that never existed inside of bid ask at that time, you can see it in a second chart. I hope that they will not take it from me, sometimes slippage goes into our favor.

Good thing about my trading today was that I didn't have one thought about going against the market in some short trade. Bad was showing how I was slow in getting out when I'm in a loss. Because of such fast market my trades were half size. So after first loss I was down only -7 full size pips. I was lucky with strong trend that forgave me and corrected with it's tide all my errors and questionable judgments. That's why it's important to go with the trend.

+16 pips

Ten minutes of scalping

On last trade I started to become "clever" with shorting this move up. Also, I was reluctant to close it when it went against me. I got lucky with taking some profit on it. I had reasons for shorting as for other trades looking mostly at gbp/jpy and eur/gbp but it's to risky and pointless trade.

+12 pips

Gbp on rocket fuel

First short was with half size because it was against a trend. It's risky to even try things like this, it's not so good trade. It's attractive to be a contrarian on strong trend, but it's just ego wish.
I missed first part of strength in usd/jpy while I was trading gbp/usd. I took nice scalp as I should always, in the direction of trend when previous consolidation level give in.


+12 pips