I have more to say about today. Well, I had one week on vacation that I didn't trade at all, I liked that week. As much as I like trading and how much it's rewarding on many ways I have big negative issue in my trading. I feel big stress. I will fear and anxiety over every trade how ever small or big it may be. It's irrational and probably it's not how others feel when they trade. I didn't yet step over on that next level when you don't feel it like that.
I work in sales and know how there are many sales jobs with different levels of stress. I thought that it's normal to be stressed out on a job, that it's normal that something is hard. Now I don't think so. From my experience there can be rewarding sales jobs without stress that I felt before. So now I don't even consider jobs that I previous worked as an option. I don't need that in my life, it's like bad relationship with fighting and lot of anger. I can pass that.
So, my trading should change or there will be no trading. I just don't need to feel what I feel when I trade. I don't need that in my life. I don't want that in my life, one way or another. I can't tell you exactly why I feel like that. Am I so risk averse or can't stand losing. That is yet to be found or not. Today I fall so deep to be put out of commission, to stop trading, to stop being stressed out. Remember this is my second day after vacation and yesterday I was really close to do so big damage like today but market just reversed. It's like subconsciously I don't want to trade, i want to live without that stress.
I really don't know how can I accomplish that. Change the way I trade, time frame, position size or just the way how I think. This is definitely it. It's linked with my suppressing of losses, that's what is making all the stress.
Well, now I'm getting somewhere.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
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6 comments:
Bro have you ever blown up an account? If not i think doing that would take the edge off of your fear.
You need to pinpoint exactly what it is you are afraid of and walk right into it. You are a salesman in your regular job, you depend on your sales for your paycheck. That is just like trading but without the enormous potential for profits.
Are you afraid to lose all the money in your account? How would your life be/change without that money? Are you this risk averse with other aspects of your life? (ex: speaking to attractive women, proposing unique ideas at work, speaking to a large public audience)
You know what I am most afraid of? Having to return to the normal workforce as a slave if for some reason I am no longer able to trade. That alone scares me far more than any calculated trading risk ever has.
You need confidence, and without belief in the potential of your system that confidence will never come. We have been over this over and over my friend. Accept the small losers and EXPECT a large winner to bring you ahead of the game. Mathematically it is impossible to lose in this market if you simply do THAT.
You must understand that the ONLY thing about trading you can control is yourself, and without confidence you will have no control. If you have any questions I am here for you man. Listen, DONT GIVE UP!!!!! 9 years stood before me and success and I am successful now because I am actively conquering my demons. Find your fear and face it.
Thanks 4xkid on your support I appreciate it.
Well orion this is like I blown my account, I feel like that now.
Now, day after it's clear to me that I don't want to trade on wrong way any more. I don't know can I trade on right way but I don't want to trade like before. If I can't trade on right way I will not trade at all. I'm fooling myself with all that averaging, saving losers and not taking stops. I can't do it any more. Blow up yesterday is me telling myself that.
firstly I am sorry to hear this FX. If you stick with it you will eventually mold yourself into the right person for this. You need to get back to paper trading and develop rock solid discipline before you touch real money again... don't let yourself trade real money until you can stick to exact rules for at least a month.
To put it another way, you are addicted to breaking your rules just like someone is addicted to a drug. It takes time to be weened off of a drug and to start developing proper, more lasting habits. Right now, every cell in your body is used to the chemicals your body produces when you trade, your brain is also saturated with negative associations. You have two enemies before you even place a trade.
My thoughts go in the way that I got to reevaluate why I trade in the first place. I don't treat it like a business but some slot machine/get rich quick drug. There are perfect good reasons why I do what I do in that state of mind. I first got to change that, if my base is wrong nothing else will fit in ever. There is no sense in stating the rules and trying to stick with them if I trade because of wrong reasons/motives. The fullish things that I do while I trade are so ridiculous that I'm sick of that. I'm sick of not being in control, but being in control of emotions not able to stop a trade. I really feel like some kind of addict and now can understand them, from gamblers to drug users. Something stronger than me is leading the show and calling what to do. Strange, I never encounter something like that in my life until now.
Finding those reasons is a journey you must take on your own really. I wish you the best, but I am here if you need me.
Thanks :)
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