Mortal enemy

Finally I did some trading today. I opened a platform to watch a little, things started to move and I instinctively started to push buttons. I didn't feel bad emotions but all my attention was on how will I react to stops and will old behavior start to kick in. Well it didn't. I was ready to take big stops of -20 as my last line.
Trading was kind of sloppy because I was all over the place. I didn't done any averaging.
In Euro I got out of first short because it bounced from bottom of the channel at 60 on higher t/f and I expect that it will brake it. I reversed because of that but got stopped, I reversed again and add to that trade. It stop moving, I exit and reversed again.

Later I had two trades in gbp/usd trying to pick the bottom.

Now I kind don't care about money and don't focus on that. I think that it's deeply integrated in myself so I don't have to spend energy on that. It will come naturally without my conscious help. I'm trading the way I know to trade and don't think much about that either.
Focus is now on how will I react in critical situation for me when I have to get out on a stop that is on when the trade start. Will I want to move it, will averaging urge kick in. I'm now focused not on preventing that but watching does it show up. If it does, I'm going to close the shop for that day, pure and simple shut down. I really thought a lot last days and now I don't have much material to continue. I need fresh trading to put things in motion, be it problems or not. I got to admit that on trade before last trade in gbp/usd averaging cross my mind and it was like bell rang in my head when I noticed that thought. It's like mortal enemy for me now and it's good that it is.
So we will see how things develop around my emotional handicaps.

+30 pips


Last but not least I want to thank all You trading friends on your comments and help when I was down with my spirit.