Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Sisyphean task

I lost 90 pips today, I was more than double that in red 3 minutes before my exit. Insane leverage and averaging for no important reason. It's like I sometimes decide let's fool around. Let's short the trend up, let's not get out of position that it's in small profit but not moving. Let's not get out at b/e. Let's not get out at s/l. Let's average and move all the stops. Let's average until there is no more margin to average more. Let's swing a loss of 5% to 10% than back to 5% in few minutes and exit, and be happy about the fun trip that I just had.

I don't want to show charts. I feel less stupid just talking about it and not showing how does it look in reality.

Well I'm trading for few years now, I learned a lot and I'm trading better. I can see good opportunities and bad stuff. I'm much more conscious about all that trading stuff. But from day one I didn't move a bit in some aspect that is about being successful. It's totally psychological issue, because nobody can tell me that one day I know how to trade at least scalp and other day I just let it all go away trading totally opposite of all the rules.
It's hard, it's "Sisyphean task". It's not problem in trading actions, I know how to win or to lose. But I can't answer the question why I sometimes choose to lose, to lose big. Than I start all over again.
I have polarity, I want success and I don't want it or I'm afraid of it of all it brings. It's not trading problem. It could happen in any aspect of life or any other business. Trading is here, I do that and that problem shows here.

In my defense I can say that I have worked on solving that problem, I didn't ignore it totally. But I didn't break out through that resistance. It's starting to become boring to gain, gain, gain small than lose all and than some and start all over again.


TwTrader said...

I've lost 98 pips today with the euro going high again ...
With the 90 pip win I had yesterday I am down 8 pips this week ...

You are not alone :)


FX said...

Thanks man, misery likes company :)))

HPT said...

I do the same type of stupid shit all the time. I know the trend and the right trade, but I try to take the most dangerous trades possible and see if I can get away with it. Using correct position size and planning your trade, EVERY FUCKING TRADE, will help aid the stupidity from taking over.

FX said...

Hi HPT, I know that you understand with what I'm dealing with. It's hard to understand that for others that don't have that tendencies as you said to take most dangerous trade. It's probably ego thing for us.
Yes, plan every single trade. There is no going out when stupidity takes over. Only way is not to fall in it.

What's up with you? When are you going off from simulator and trade again? Will this break from trading be bigger one?