Playing with fire

Why don't I just buy strength? Because I' m scared that I will make mistake. But things are moving and I want to do something and I do it. Like it can't be mistake. It usually is, as was today. In eur/jpy I go with 1/2 size initially so there is a room for averaging. I didn't expect such rally in eur/usd. I was more looking at jen strength. Jen pairs except usd/jpy bounced back so I was caught on wrong side.

Later I was watching patiently at consolidation and retracement in eur/usd. Usd/jpy was one that was moving, bouncing from support. My idea was that if usd/jpy hit resistance at 80 and don't go through it is good signal for possible long in eur/usd. Well it all happened as I planned and I just stud there watching it without action. THEN I had brilliant idea to short and pick top. I'm embarrassed with what I'm showing you and with my trading. But it's just how it is.

This is all being scared with my dollar size in trades. It isn't scared money in a sense that anything will happen to me if I lose it, that I can't afford it. It's just that 60 pips now are my weekly salary at my day job. I'm just not used to trading with that kind of money. It's psychologically big for me. It's my decision to do it, to get used to that. Trading with too small dollar amounts gives me nothing. I didn't get anywhere with it. So now I'm making it all mean something. Making it real. So now I have performance like I never traded before. I miss on great trades, average on bad trades.

+25 pips