June 2009. results

-107 pips

-18%

I don't have much to say about it all. I've put a stop on criminal trading recently and I'm still on the brake if we can call it that way.
Highest point of the month was about +55 pips, but it was made by bad trading anyway, so it all goes in the same basket. I can't talk about my plans because I don't have them now. I'll probably extend this hiatus at least through the summer vacation that is coming in a couple of weeks.

I don't know what I'm doing any more

Market action wasn't so surprising, but it just didn't want to go down. I lost all sense of proportion. It looks like I just don't care any more. I'm careless and just gamble. I don't even pay attention what is going on. My trading is just swinging between of emotions of joy when I'm winning and fear when I'm losing.
-124 pips

Pre NFP chop

It did run 70 pips up after my exit. The way I trade it would be better to swing trade but I'm not yet cut out for that. Maybe I'll learn through time. I don't mind taking profit on position after two hours and pretty much coin flip situation whole time. Two trades with 2/3 size.
+32 pips

Nothing much

I just gave it a shot will it break somewhat strong up, it didn't so I closed not waiting for a loss. I'm not really in mood for trading after yesterday.
+5 pips

Talk me about swings

As always I'm even more eager to trade when I lose like this then when I win. I don't regret my entry in gbp/usd so high. It was after the news and all was aligned to break new high. I couldn't get out with a small loss either because pair just made 50 pips move so some kind of retracement or spike can't be ruled out. Then I averaged, gbp/usd bounced back, that is my usual modus operandi. When it started braking down again it was a place where I should get out.
Then there were swings between 50 and 80, 60 and 80 I didn't get out.
I'm too static when I'm in a loss. I just stay still. I really need to learn how to get out or always just let trade get stopped out.

I put too much emphasis on avoiding of making a loss, like it's something bad. Bad is staying in market while it's going against you. My trades need to be more fluid. Not so rigid.

In my personal belief system I have strong belief that losing money is bad or wrong. In highly stressful situation like today I go with my core belief. So I don't lose money (at the moment where I should get stopped out) and get myself open to losing more money. It's illogical, but the truth is that it's hard for me to loss money to prevent losing even more money. Because of belief that losing is bad. People can say it's human nature, it is, but it's stronger or weaker from person to person.
Many times I take profit too soon, I don't trail stop. Why? Because I find open profit as money, my money and then I try not to lose it. Again belief that losing is very bad. In this situation I prevent myself from making more money because losing any part of open profit is bad.
It's unconscious belief and with stating it here I didn't get rid of it yet. I know I didn't because I still strongly believe that losing is bad.


I tried to go long in eur/usd but again I'm frozen when it goes against me.

Later I had to recover some and trade some more. I did win something back, but in pretty much bad trading. With letting loser run and taking profit asap.
-73 full size pips

Playing with fire

Why don't I just buy strength? Because I' m scared that I will make mistake. But things are moving and I want to do something and I do it. Like it can't be mistake. It usually is, as was today. In eur/jpy I go with 1/2 size initially so there is a room for averaging. I didn't expect such rally in eur/usd. I was more looking at jen strength. Jen pairs except usd/jpy bounced back so I was caught on wrong side.

Later I was watching patiently at consolidation and retracement in eur/usd. Usd/jpy was one that was moving, bouncing from support. My idea was that if usd/jpy hit resistance at 80 and don't go through it is good signal for possible long in eur/usd. Well it all happened as I planned and I just stud there watching it without action. THEN I had brilliant idea to short and pick top. I'm embarrassed with what I'm showing you and with my trading. But it's just how it is.

This is all being scared with my dollar size in trades. It isn't scared money in a sense that anything will happen to me if I lose it, that I can't afford it. It's just that 60 pips now are my weekly salary at my day job. I'm just not used to trading with that kind of money. It's psychologically big for me. It's my decision to do it, to get used to that. Trading with too small dollar amounts gives me nothing. I didn't get anywhere with it. So now I'm making it all mean something. Making it real. So now I have performance like I never traded before. I miss on great trades, average on bad trades.

+25 pips

Scared little chicken

That's how I feel. In at the breakout of the last high after six hours and it reverse 30 pips in a few minutes. I add one more counting that it's reaction to the high and that now it will bounce back. Price is consolidating a bit and then head my way. I'm happy because it's now right around my b/e level at 419. Next minute all of the sudden it's flying back down making new low. Another one 40 pips swing. Then gradually back up, this time through my b/e level, to the new high. But it's all on eur/gbp weakness, I don't trust that so much and I'm taking profit. While I write this it's back below my b/e.
I'm not so used to US session, it's a little bit wild. I was trading with 2/3 size positions. Swings are costly, but it's my usual trading. I've done that over last year or more, so I got to ignore dollar amounts and trade however I know.

+23 full size pips